


How Often Do These Nightmares Come?

by dietpopcorn



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Ace + homoromatic Jenna, Anxiety, Aro Christine, Bi Brooke, Bi Jeremy, Chloe’s questioning her sexuality for a bit, Coming Out, Emotional Support, Emotions, F/F, Gay Michael, Gen, Group Bonding, Group chat, Hurt/Comfort, I know i originally tagged this as richjake and boyf riends but I changed my mind, Jenna’s like the mom of the group tbh, Jeremy’s fucked up, Literally No One is Straight, M/M, Michael is a smart boy, Michael plays the trumpet like god, Panic Attacks, Panromantic Chloe, Post-Squip, Scars, Self-Esteem Issues, Swearing, Trust Issues, What a Squad, basically the squip squad dealing with the aftermath of the play as well as they can, bi rich, cars and 90s rock, light but legit ptsd, light self-harm, nothing too graphic or bloody, pan jake, past trauma, phantom pains, tears were shed over Finding Nemo, teen rating because of swearing, the entire fic isn't romantically driven so it shouldn't matter much, which isn’t very good but that’s minor details
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-13
Updated: 2018-10-17
Packaged: 2019-04-19 02:39:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14227314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dietpopcorn/pseuds/dietpopcorn
Summary: What happens if you throw multiple teenagers with trauma and angst into a blender with the people they abandoned, lied to, and/or bullied in the past?You get multiple mass sleepovers, healing sessions, and memes sent in the hours of the night no one should be awake during(Aka They made a group chat that was a mistake but also led to some v therapeutic stuff for everyone)(Just trust me on this one)





	1. The Dawn of the First Day

**Author's Note:**

> Title is a reference to the song 4AM by Olivver the Kid
> 
> I’m gonna try my best to give everyone a texting style that suits them, but bear with me for a bit
> 
> Also, I’m not entirely sure where I want my plot to ultimately go so I guess we’ll see where we end up together.
> 
> This is my first fic!!! *screaming*  
> I really hope it's actually good, bcus I have no idea (:  
> I'm def open to constructive criticism

_6:32 pm_

 

**{{ _BiBiByeFelicia_ ** **added** **_impresent_ ** **and** **_slushlord_ ** **to the chat }}**

 

**slushlord** : what

**pickledpeppers** : i didn’t think you meant rn.

**BiBiByeFelicia** : Of course I meant right now

**BiBiByeFelicia** : Why would I wait?

**impresent** : rich whyd you put michael and i in this group chat

**BiBiByeFelicia** : Ummm because I want my friends to get along, duh

**BiBiByeFelicia** : Plus, you guys need to socialize more

**slushlord** : I take offense to that

**JennaBoBenna** : as well you should

**pickledpeppers** : well now we have to get everyone in here.

 

**{{** **_pickledpeppers_ ** **added** **_DesdeDestiny_ ** **,** **_crymeariver_ ** **, and** **_bubblegumbinch_ ** **to the chat }}**

 

**bubblegumbinch** : jake wtf

**JennaBoBenna** : alrite lets get this party started

**crymeariver** : jesus theres so many people here

**crymeariver** : whos who??

**BiBiByeFelicia** : Guess

**crymeariver** : ok thats rich

**DesdeDestiny** : I’m Christine!! :)

**slushlord** : Michael, here

**slushlord** : heere*

**impresent** : stop

**JennaBoBenna** : i’m jake

**crymeariver** : no your not

**slushlord** : you’re*

**crymeariver** : did you just

**bubblegumbinch** : god this chat is already a fuckin mess

**pickledpeppers** : first order of business.

 

**{{** **_pickledpeppers_ ** **changed the chat name from** **_trash gods_ ** **to** **_Squip Squad_ ** **}}**

 

**impresent** : squip squad??

**pickledpeppers** : yeah. It seems fitting given how we all know each other.

**BiBiByeFelicia** : Good choice, Jakey D

**slushlord** : Jeremiah Heere I know exactly what you’re thinking of typing and I s2g don’t do it

**slushlord** : I can see you hesitating

**crymeariver** : cute you guys are in the same room

**BiBiByeFelicia** : Jeremy don’t listen to him!

**BiBiByeFelicia** : Or do

**BiBiByeFelicia** : I’m not the boss of you

**impresent** : guys i m really sorry for everything

**impresent** : i almost got everyone here enslaved by some brain computer

**DesdeDestiny** : Jeremy… :(

**BiBiByeFelicia** : Hey

**BiBiByeFelicia** : If anyone should be apologizing it should be me

**BiBiByeFelicia** : I’m the one who told you about that brain computer in the first place

**impresent** : you don’t need to apologize again

**impresent** : i already forgave you when we were in the hospital

**impresent** : i made the stupid mistake of taking it

                  everything after that was my fault

**slushlord** : Even if it was a stupid mistake, it doesn’t mean everything’s your fault

**slushlord** : That thing fucking tormented and manipulated you

**slushlord** : Don’t you dare say everything was your fault

**impresent** : still..

**crymeariver** : you know what this calls for

**JennaBoBenna** : ???

**crymeariver** : a bonding and healing hangout sesh

**pickledpeppers** : oh yeah that’s something we all need.

**pickledpeppers** : anything you want to say jeremy save it for then. it’ll be better if we talk it all out in person. and in a private place

**BiBiByeFelicia** : Definitely

**impresent** : youre probably right

**DesdeDestiny** : That’s an excellent idea, Brooke!

**bubblegumbinch** : im free this weeknd if u guys r

**JennaBoBenna** : i offer my house as tribute

**pickledpeppers** : any objections to Saturday night?

**pickledpeppers** : no? alright cool Saturday at Jenna’s house it is.

**BiBiByeFelicia** : I’M BRINGING UNO

**slushlord** : Of course you are

**DesdeDestiny** : Yay! This’ll be so much fun, you guys :)

**slushlord** : Brb Jere and I gotta dip out real quick

**slushlord** : My mom just finished making dinner

**BiBiByeFelicia** : Oooh whatcha havin?

**slushlord** : Hella fancy ravioli

**JennaBoBenna** : luckyyy

**crymeariver** : lucky seconded

**JennaBoBenna** : EVERYONE GO EAT SOMETHING

**BiBiByeFelicia** : Fine, mom, we will

**JennaBoBenna** : good

 

_12:26 am_

_{{ **Squip Squad** }}_

 

**pickledpeppers** : oh my god michael. do you get this physics stuff at all.

**slushlord** : I think so?? Is there a question you need help with

**pickledpeppers** : please.

_{{_ **_pickledpeppers_ ** _: whatevenisvelocity.jpg }}_

**crymeariver** : oohhh my god im so glad i didnt take psychic

**pickledpeppers** : gravity’s a bitch.

**JennaBoBenna** : psychic

**crymeariver** : whatever

_{{_ **_slushlord_ ** _: iwannacry.jpg }}_

**pickledpeppers** : bless your soul, michael mell.

**slushlord** : I’ve been blessed

**slushlord** : physics*

**crymeariver** : i hate this damn group chat

**JennaBoBenna** : mmmm i have that to look forward to next year, huh

**JennaBoBenna** : maybe i should preemptively throw myself down the stairs

****get a lesson in gravity

**pickledpeppers** : take me with you please.

**JennaBoBenna** : anytime hun

**slushlord** : guys oh my god look at this

_{{_ **_slushlord_ ** _: jeremysadork.jpg }}_

**slushlord** : He fell asleep and is now literally inches from falling off the goddamn couch

**slushlord** : I wanna wake him up before he falls hurts himself but he needs the sleep what do I do

**crymeariver** : jfc that’s adorable

**slushlord** : I know right???

**JennaBoBenna** : get a room, you two

**slushlord** : I’m just gonna ignore that

**pickledpeppers** : just let him sleep. it’s his fault if he falls off the damn couch.

**slushlord** : When he does, the payoff will be glorious

**slushlord** : OH MY GOD HE’S TEETERING

 I gotta get this on video hold on

_{{_ **_slushlord_ ** _: jeremyfuckingfallsoffacouch.mov }}_

**slushlord** : Priceless

**JennaBoBenna** : THE SOUND HE MADE

****IT SOUNDS LIKE A MIDGET WHALE

**crymeariver** : video = saved

**pickledpeppers** : ohoho my god this is great. rich is gonna lose his shit over this when he sees it.

**slushlord** : uh oh incoming sleepy jeremy

**impresent** : michaeelll whydd you expose me

**slushlord** : bcus why not

**JennaBoBenna** : hes got a point

**slushlord** : Alright I’m gonna make him go to legit bed real quick brb

**crymeariver** : hes like a mom

**JennaBoBenna** : true thooooo

**slushlord** : jfc it’s 12:47 already

**JennaBoBenna** : you gremlins should all go to bed soon

**JennaBoBenna** : or youll regret it in the morning

****and ill feel no pity

**crymeariver** : why is everyone here such a mom

**JennaBoBenna** : y’all are just pitiful children

**slushlord** : I’m sorry, did you just “y’all”??

**JennaBoBenna** : GO TO BED

**slushlord** : Fine, fine

**slushlord** : Gnight, all

**crymeariver** : night

 

_2:11 am_  

_{{ **Squip Squad** }}_

 

_{{_ **_JennaBoBenna_ ** _: itsaphysicsmeme.jpg }}_

 

_6:14 am  
_

_{{ **Squip Squad**  }}_

**slushlord** : Jenna, why’d you send a physics meme at 2 in the morning

**JennaBoBenna** : i thought it was topical

******slushlord** : You’re not wrong

**BiBiByeFelicia** : OH MY GOD THAT VIDEO I CANT BREATEH

**JennaBoBenna** : breateh

**BiBiByeFelicia** : Also

**BiBiByeFelicia** : Jenna: tells everyone to go to bed

                        Jenna: stays up until 2am

**JennaBoBenna** : i dont play by my own rules

 

_11:19 am_  

_{{ **Squip Squad**  }}_

**crymeariver** : jeremyyyyy i see you over there

**crymeariver** : come sit with us

**crymeariver** : jeeeereemmmyyyyyyyyyy

**crymeariver** : check your goddamn phone

**crymeariver** : jfc ill just come get you

 

Brooke turned her phone off, stood up, and walked as fast as she could towards the pair of boys who were currently walking away from her. “Jeremyyyyyyy!”

Jeremy very obviously flinched at the sudden shout of his name. Both he and his friend (Mike? Micha? Michael?? Michael) Michael turned to look in her direction with surprised and somewhat frightened looks on their faces.

“If you guys would’ve bothered to check your phones I told you to come sit with us. But nooooo you made me get up and come get you.” She hooked her arm around Jeremy’s and started dragging him back to where she was sitting.

“Oh- uh- Brooke you- you really don’t-” Jeremy fumbled over his words, but Brooke interrupted him before he could shut her down.

“Nonsense! We’re all friends here.” She put on a smile, even though she knew it wasn’t genuine. She doubts things will ever be the same as they were, but she wants to try and clear things up with Jeremy. Dating him was actually really pleasant, but was she really dating him? Or was she dating his SQUIP?

He hasn’t talked much about his time with that hell computer, which is totally fine. She didn’t want to force him to relive memories he’d rather forget. But she couldn’t help but wonder if he dated her because the SQUIP said to. He was the first guy she dated that didn’t treat her like an accessory, like some fucking medal to show off to his “bros”. She knew that thing messed him up and manipulated him in ways she couldn’t imagine, but she couldn’t help but want to know how he really felt about her. Everything he does, everything he says, Brooke wonders if it’s really him. She was fooled once, and she prays it’ll never happen again but she can’t help but not trust the situation. She couldn’t handle not knowing his feelings any longer, though. She decided that if she saw him after school, she’d ask him about it. For now, she hoped the pair would slowly integrate with the rest of the people at her table.

She moved her bag out of the seat next to where she was sitting, pulled up an extra chair, and pat the seat next to her, trying to get them to sit down. Jeremy sits down first, even though he was very obviously unsure of his actions. Michael followed soon after.

Rich was the first to speak up. “Yo! Jeremy! How’s it hanging?” He ended his sentence with a big smile and some stupid looking finger guns.

Jeremy was just as sheepish as you’d expect an introverted and insecure teen to be. Avoiding making eye contact and fidgeting with his hands in his lap, he somehow got out “I’m… good. Yeah… good. Uhhh, how are- how are you?” At least he was trying to talk to us.

“Great!” Rich replied with the same amount of enthusiasm he’s had all day. “Today’s been a pretty banging day. I just got my chem test back, and it turns out I’m evidently a chemistry genius because I got the highest score in the class. 98% baby! Those hydrogen bonds better watch out.” Brooke tried to cover up a chuckle at the same time Jake let out one hearty laugh. He was so hung up on that 98%, it was almost ridiculous.

“You just can’t get over that can you,” Jake said as he elbowed Rich in the shoulder. “I wasn’t that far behind you, was I?”

“Your 92% is worth nothing compared to me!” He put his hands on his hips like a superhero.

Ever since Rich had gotten out of the hospital, he hasn’t been the same. Not to say this Rich is worse, not at all. He was goofier, more lighthearted, more... carefree. It was nice. He seems to have gotten closer with Jake, too. They got along really well.

“Wait, Jake, I thought you were in physics?” Michael chimed in, much to the surprise of Brooke. He didn’t seem like the type to start a conversation.

Jake looked at Michael with a look of surprise, but not _that_ surprised. (English is not Brooke’s strong suit). “I’m in physics and chemistry this year. Seeing if I can knock out the tough classes now so I can have more free classes next year.”

“Smart, smart…” Michael nodded and took a sip from his slushie. He was always drinking those. Brooke wondered what flavor it was.

“What about you? What classes are you taking this year, Michael?” Michael apparently wasn’t expecting their conversation to continue.

“Oh! Uh, I’m taking physics.” He started counting on his fingers as he listed off classes he was in. “AP English, calculus AB, band…” He was cut off by Rich slamming his hands on the table.

“You’re in the band!?”

“Y-yeah, I am.” Michael couldn’t help but start his sentence with a chuckle. Probably over how overdramatic Rich was.

“What do you play?” He was acting like a space-loving child who was meeting an astronaut or something.

“Trumpet. And a little clarinet, but it’s been a bit so I’m quite rusty at it.” Michael’s tense shoulders started to relax. Now that he was talking about something he knew, he was probably a little more at ease.

“How long have you been playing?” _Jesus, Rich, question much?_

He thought about that one for a little bit. “Almost 8 years now.”

The conversation between them droned on for a while. This gave Brooke the chance to study Michael a little bit. Not in the creepy way, she just liked studying people and their behavior. It helped her get to know people a little better, and it was easier than talking (if you didn’t get caught staring). Like, she just noticed that Michael has a little mole above his lip. It added a certain charm to his personality that she couldn’t quite place. His mouth had a slight tug to the right when he talked, his hair looked like he didn’t use some gaudy hair gel. His glasses were a dark red color instead of black. Red must be his favorite color because his hoodie is that bright apple red. Just then, he laughed at something someone said.

She suddenly remembered that Jeremy was right next to her. She’d already gotten to watch Jeremy while they were dating, but she couldn’t help but notice that he was watching Michael, too. He looked at ease, watching his best friend genuinely enjoy himself.

She should probably tell Jeremy that she wants to talk to him after school, but knowing him, he’d worry about it for literally the rest of the day. But if she tells him, then she has to follow through.

She took a deep breath and tapped Jeremy on the shoulder, trying to keep it as lowkey as possible. “Hey, Jeremy.” He turned and looked at her with worry in his eyes. “I wanna ask you something after school today. And don’t worry about it that much. It’s nothing too important. I just don’t wanna talk about it in front of everyone else. You know how word gets around if Jenna Rolan’s in town.”

Jeremy took a second to respond. “S-sure. Do you know what… uhh, what Michael’s,” he motioned to the chatty boy beside him (okay good his name was actually Michael), “car looks light- er- like, right?” He was tripping over his words.

“The only PT Cruiser in the parking lot? I’ve seen you two come out of it almost every day.” That was a bit of exaggeration. She’s seen them every day since she became aware of his existence.

“Y-yeah. That’s the one.” He let out a soft and almost sad chuckle. His mannerisms were slowly becoming more adorable than annoying, and Brooke wasn’t sure why. Jeremy, in general, was kind of cute. Honestly, Brooke probably date him again. But only if _he_ asked _her_ out, unlike last time.

“Perfect.” She tried her best to smile reassuringly, but she has no idea if it was successful or not. “I’ll see you after school, then.”

All the conversation at the table was interrupted by the end-of-lunch bell. Brooke picked up her mostly empty lunch tray and fell in line with Chloe as they walked towards their next class. Waving one final time towards Jeremy, she started figuring out how she was gonna phrase what she was going to say to him later that day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To clarify :
> 
> impresent = Jeremy  
> slushlord = Michael  
> pickledpeppers = Jake  
> BiBiByeFelicia = Rich  
> DesdeDestiny = Christine  
> JennaBoBenna = Jenna  
> crymeariver = Brooke  
> bubblegumbinch = Chloe
> 
> How many of you can get the reference for Christine’s name, I wonder....
> 
> Also, allow me to shamelessly self-advertise : check me out on tumblr @laceyspaceyace to get all that quality garbage content for multiple fandoms  
> I cross-posted this bad boy there
> 
> In case you're confused, the lines where the text is indented and there's no name is like pressing enter when you're texting and not sending it. That weird formatting is the best way to portray that, so that's what I did. (I probably didn't need to clarify this to you guys but oh well I just did)


	2. Get a Load of This Trainwreck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will Brooke and Jeremy patch things up? Will Jeremy's anxiety literally kill him?? What song is Michael listening to???  
> Find out in this chapter of : Everyone's the Worst at Communication

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is kind of a beast of a chapter. I didn't realize it was 3k+ words until I checked sooooo…. enjoy??? 
> 
> I'm gonna try my hardest to put out a chapter every week. I probably won't have a specific day, but I'll be fucked if I don't stay on top of it. My levels of motivation are actually trash.  
> Also there's not gonna be a consistent length most of the time. I'll just write until it reaches a lull in the plot and then call that good.
> 
> I really hope I portray Jeremy's anxiety well. I'm kind of basing it off of what I feel when I'm crazy anxious bcus, spoiler, I have the same thing. So,,,,, I'm trying to make it realistic  
> Also, throw a big old trigger warning on that just in case.
> 
> I LOVE EVERYONE WHO'S READING THIS BTW <3

The final bell of the day rang and all Jeremy could feel was nauseous. Why’d Brooke need to talk to him? What does she want? She said not to worry about it but that’s all he’d done for the last two classes.

He waited outside the English hall for Michael like he usually does, and, before long, saw his best friend making his way through the crowd towards him. 

“Yo, man! How was the rest of your day?” He pulled out of the flow of traffic and stood next to Jeremy, waiting for him to start walking.

“Fair. I mean, it’s school. It’s never a good time.” Jeremy started making his way towards the front doors, Michael following his lead.

He chuckled. “That’s the truth.”

Jeremy was trying to look as far ahead as he could to see if Brooke was already waiting for him. Michael noticed. “You worries about what Brooke is gonna ask you?”

Jeremy sighed and nervously hooked his right hand around his left arm. “Yeah…” Nothing gets past Michael. He basically has a degree in knowing-what-Jeremy-was-feeling. Jerem-ology. “She said not to worry about it, but that just makes me worry more.” 

Michael hummed in agreement as he reached around to his backpack to start digging for his keys. “It’s probably nothing life-changing. This is Brooke we’re talking about. She wouldn’t, like, accuse you of murder or something.”

Jeremy knew that, but he still couldn’t shake the thick, viscous dread in his stomach. Most likely, she’s gonna ask about the SQUIP. How could she not? It’s the giant elephant in the room, especially between him and Brooke. 

Before he could continue thinking, he heard a strong, “Jeremyyy!” cut through the crowd. He immediately recognized the carefree tone of voice as Brooke and turned to see her walking towards him.

Jeremy waved, and turned back to Michael, desperately hoping he’ll help him out. Michael unlocked his car door and threw his backpack into the backseat, giving Jeremy a sad smile and a thumbs up before sitting down in the driver’s seat. 

“Hey.” Jeremy turned back only to see a smiling Brooke right in front of him. She might’ve been smiling, but she did not look happy. Everything besides him and her was starting to fade; starting to become distant and fuzzy. He tightened his grip on his arm to try and anchor himself to reality. “H-hi.”

She let out a breath. “Thanks for meeting with me.” Her tone of voice sounded apologetic. Her arms were straight and intertwined with one another in front of her, cardigan loosely gathered at her elbows. 

“No, it’s- uh- it’s not- not a problem.” God, his stuttering  _ was _ annoying. He turned his head, trying to avoid looking at her, only to see Michael putting his signature headphones on his head. He noticed Jeremy’s staring, paused, and gave an OK hand sign and a big smile. Jeremy realized that if things got bad, he could just get in the car with his best friend, and he’d drive them away from the mess of a conversation he’s bound to make. Michael was his getaway driver. He had an out if he needed it (which he probably will).

The silence in the air was suffocating. He swallowed through his cotton filled mouth, trying not to choke on his heart that was currently in his throat. He needed to say something. He needed to get this over with. He needed to kno- “Do you mind if we go somewhere… a little more private?” Her voice was quiet. The connotation behind her words and behavior wasn’t sitting well. Was she still into him? “Like, behind the school. Or maybe, if Michael doesn’t mind, in the back seat of the car?” Hey, she remembered Michael’s name. No! That isn’t what to focus on here. 

Would Michael be okay with it? Probably. That’d probably be the best place since then they’re private but still in view of the world. Separated by a window. She wouldn’t make out with him with the possibility of someone watching, right? That’d ruin her reputation. “Hey, Jeremy. You okay?” Brooke’s voice was dripping with worry. 

“Ye-yeah. Sorry… umm, I can ask Michael if we- if we can ta-talk in the… in the car.” Jesus, why was he such a fucking nervous wreck?

“Okay. That works for me.” Brooke smiled, but it was obviously not genuine. It was probably full of disgust or something vile like that. Everything around him felt waterlogged and heavy. 

Jeremy turned and made his way to Michael’s door, never breaking contact with the car for fear of drifting off into god knows where. “Alright.” He knocked on Michael’s window. 

Michael looked up at him, turned the keys in the car a little to turn on the accessories, pulled his headphones to around his neck and rolled down the window. “Yeah, Jere?” Looking at Michael made everything else seem nonexistent. 

“Brooke and I were wondering if we could talk in your car.” Why could he talk fine to Michael but not to any other normal goddamn human being? “It’s a little more private than out in the open…”

Michael immediately picked up his phone out of his lap and started rolling up the window, sticking his pointer finger up to tell Jeremy to wait a second. Jeremy complied and soon Michael was opening the door, hold it open for Jeremy to get in. 

After some awkward maneuvering, Jeremy sat down in the driver’s seat and unlocked the passenger door for Brooke to get in. Before Michael closed the door, he tilted his head inside with a serious look on his face. “Make a mess of my car, Lohst, and you’re dead.” There was a moment of silence before he laughed and said “Nah, I’m joking. But seriously, make a mess of my car and you’ll clean the whole thing out.” And with that, he closed the door, leaving Jeremy alone with Brooke. Jeremy watched as he made his way to the front of the car and took a seat on the hood while placing his headphones back over his ears. 

Brooke was the first to break the silence. “I don’t really have an easy way to say this…” All the tension that left with Michael had come back as he looked at Brooke’s unsteady gaze. He felt like he was plummeting 300 feet, his stomach felt like solid iron being pushed up into his lungs. He gripped the sides of the seat like a lifeline, something to keep his hands busy, his body in place. “There’s just something I need to know.” Jeremy was speechless, so he just nodded, trying not to let intense anxiety show. Brooke wrapped her arms around herself and looked out the front window of the car. 

“Did you only date me because the SQUIP told you to?”

Jeremy’s mind went blank. Did he actually like Brooke? He’d never thought about this. He kept trying to think this through, figure out what to say, but his mind just couldn’t process the question. It felt like his train of thought left his brain at the station. “Jeremy?” Brooke. How does she feel about this? She obviously is either uncomfortable or embarrassed. Maybe both. He needed to say something, not just leave her hanging on a crumbling ledge. What should he say though?

“I…” He swallowed, trying to push the nausea back down his throat. “I’m not… sure…” He could feel the emotional pinpricks behind his eyes. He so desperately wanted to give her an answer, but he didn’t know how to answer correctly. Why did this have to happen on a day where his anxiety was already through the roof when he woke up? 

“Oh…” Oh god, she sounded so defeated. “That’s…” Did she still have feelings for him? He couldn’t leave her with such a shitty vague answer like that.  _ You’re getting tripped up by such a simple question. What a fucking mess. _

Before he could think, he almost shouted, “Wait!” Brooke stiffened, lifting her head to meet Jeremy’s. Her eyes were dry. “Just… give me a moment. To think.” 

“O-okay.” She sounded nervous and unsure.

Jeremy closed his eyes and tried to control his breathing.  _ In for 4… hold for 5….. out for 4… hold for 2... _ He repeated the procedure he followed like a religion a couple of times, clearing his head enough to form actually organized thoughts. 

The silence filling the car was so unmistakably empty that a response was basically sucked out of Jeremy to fill it. “I never saw you as… attainable. I mean, I barely thought I was in Christine’s league, so how could a- a loser on the bottom rung of the so-social ladder reach the top of it?” His mouth felt like it was lined with cotton. He mentally cursed Michael for not ever having water bottles in his damn car. Jeremy swallowed, trying to quell the huge lump in his throat. “It’s not that I didn’t like you, Brooke, I just… I was focused on- on Christine, and... I knew there was no way in hell someone as… as popular as you would ever even notice me. I thought... I- I assumed you’d- you’d have a boyfriend, too, since you’re one of the prettiest girls in school.” He was speaking as he was thinking, inches from tripping over his words and falling on his face. “I won’t lie… the- that thing did push me into dating you, but I didn’t- it’s not like- I- I didn’t not like you…” He didn’t even know what he was saying anymore. He needed to breathe. He needed to not be in this car anymore. The air was absorbing his words like a sponge, becoming dense. “God, I’m probably just confusing you now. I’m not in the best place right now,”  _ why does Brooke need to know this? _ , “and I’m sorry for- I’m sorry for freaking you out like this,”  _ stop you’re going to far _ , “do you get what I’m trying to say, at least?” He regretted everything he said immediately after he said it. Now he’s just dumping his insecurities and problems on her. She came to you for answers, not more questions! He spat out one more, “I’m sorry, Broo-”

“Stop.” Jeremy was snapped out of his crumbling psyche by Brooke’s forceful tone of voice.  _ You blew it. You went too far and now she pities you. She’s gonna look down on you like everyone else. _ “Jeremy. Look at me.” He took in a shaky breath and looked in her eyes.

There were so many emotions in her forest green eyes. Strength. Stubbornness. Anger? Pity. Sadness. Understanding. “Stop thinking. Focus on my voice.” Desperateness. Frustration. “Hey.” Jeremy noticed the blur of her yellow sweater in his peripheral just as he felt a warm presence on his shoulder. It was Brooke’s hand. It was strangely comforting. He had basically forgotten about the mess he made a few seconds ago. Well, now he remembered it. All at once, the facts of what he’d done to Brooke hit him. He could feel the tears welling up in his eyes before he could figure out why they were forming.  _ Fuck it. I’m already being way more honest with her than I want, might as well go all the way.  _ “Brooke I’m so sorry for everything I put you through. I was such a jerk, I don’t know how you can stand to be around me.” His throat was tightening, tears starting to spill over onto his heated cheeks. “You didn’t- you didn’t deserve to be wrapped up in my stupid  _ fucking _ decisions. I played with your emotions, and- and now I’m breaking down in front of you for no good reason.” He brought his hand to his face, pressing the heel into his eyes in a lame attempt to stop the tears.

“Jeremy, that is not true. Don’t blame yourself for having a breakdown. That’s like blaming yourself for crying during a sad scene in a movie. It’s just emotions. Everyone’s got them.” 

Jeremy let out the most pathetic chuckle. “Yeah, but most people can hold them in.”

Brooke slid her hand past his shoulder and wrapped her arm around his neck. She pulled him towards her, directing his head towards her shoulder and wrapping her other arm around his shoulder. “If there’s one thing I can do for you, it’s give you a shoulder to cry on.” She started rubbing small circles in between his shoulder blades. ”If you wanna talk about it, I’m here. If you just wanna cry it out, I won't judge.” Her voice purred in his ear, and his heart swelled. He doesn't deserve this side of Brooke in the slightest. As the fruity scent of her shampoo filled his senses, he couldn't hold it in any longer. He buried his head in the nook of her neck and let out a silent sob. Everything felt painfully real at the moment and this maternal action Brooke was doing made him intensely aware of just how lonely he felt. He fought through the numbness in his arms and brought them up behind Brooke, grabbing her shoulders from behind and pulling her closer. He started mumbling apologies as he softly wept into her lightly perfumed shoulder. Thank God he wasn’t a messy crier.

After a couple seconds of silence, he heard humming. Was Brooke humming to him? He could feel her vocal cords vibrate throughout his entire head. It was so distracting that it was therapeutic. It took a second, but Jeremy couldn’t help but snicker when he finally recognized the song.

He pushed himself up and out of her shoulder. “Are you singing Rainbow Connection?”

Brooke looked him in the eyes and smiled lovingly. “Maybe.” She unlinked one of her arms from around Jeremy and tucked some strands of blonde hair behind her ear. “My mom used to sing that to me when I was a kid to calm me down. I don't have much use for it nowadays, but it looks like it helped in this case.” The sniffling teen started wiping his tears away, trying not to laugh at how pathetic he probably looked. At least his anxiety calmed down a little. The motherly vibes she was giving off put him at ease.

“I’m sorry you had to see that…” He sat up straight, detaching himself from Brooke. 

“You don’t need to be sorry. We’ve all had those days. I’m sorry for putting more pressure on you than you needed.”

Brooke brought her arms back to her sides, twiddling her fingers together. “I was already pushing it by asking about something you’d rather forget.” Jeremy suppressed all those traumatic memories by hyper-focusing on Brooke’s hands. Her light blue nail polish was chipping.

“No, it’s… it’s okay.” His throat was still tight from crying. “You wanted to know- you wanted answers. Anybody would.” He started rubbing his cheeks to make his face feel less tingly, and to give him something to do with his hands. 

“Still…” They both sat in silence for a few moments. He wasn’t sure how to continue to conversation any further, but couldn’t just leave it here. “If you ever do wanna talk about it, you can always come to me, Jeremy. I might not be able to reciprocate feelings, but I can be a pretty good listener.” 

Jeremy lowered his hands from his cheeks and interlaced them in his lap. “Thanks, Brooke. I don’t know what I did to- to deserve you as a friend.” 

“Don’t worry about that. Do you wanna get some Pinkberry together? Ice cream always makes me feel better after a rough patch. You can just freeze the pain away.” Brooke had a soft smile on her face. 

“That might be nice.” Jeremy tried his best to mirror Brooke’s facial expression. “Do you mind if Michael comes along?” He didn’t want to just abandon Michael. Out of many, many things, he was his ride home. 

“I don’t see why not. I’d love to get to know him better.” There was something about the fact that Brooke wanted to get to know Michael better than made Jeremy light up inside. He turned to face forward and knocked on the windshield, eliciting exactly no recognition from the boy currently sitting on the hood. Jeremy sighed and reached for his phone to text him. 

 

_2:51 pm_

_{{_ **to** ** _slushlord_** _}}_

 

 **impresent** : michael

 **impresent** : michaaaaeeell look at me

 

He turned his phone off and waited for Michael to pick up his phone and respond. Brooke piped up after a couple seconds. “How’d you two meet? You’re basically inseparable.”

He turned and stared at Michael, watching him sway to the beat of his music. “We actually met when Michael’s moms got married. His biological mother got married to my dad’s best friend, Rachel. Of course, we got invited to the wedding. My dad was her best man.” He chuckled as he remembered stories he’s heard of his dad having wardrobe malfunctions mere minutes before the ceremony. “That’s where I met Michael. Because I was close to Rachel, I got close to Michael. Their family is basically my own.” He couldn’t help but smile, thinking of how great of people both Michael’s moms were. 

“That sounds so nice! How old were you?” 

“6. I don’t remember the actual wedding all too clearly, but I’ve seen pictures and heard stories.”

Michael still hadn’t responded, or even looked at his phone. Jeremy sent one more text to let Michael know his annoyance.

 

 **impresent** : bitch

 

“I’m just gonna get him.” He opened the door, reached his hand out and slapped it down on the hood, making Michael jump and move his headphones off his ears.

He held a hand over his heart in the stereotypical ‘you scared me!’ gesture. “Jesus Christ, man. You could’ve killed me.” 

“Well you weren’t checking your phone and I’m too lazy to get out of the car.” Michael picked up his phone and checked the texts Jeremy sent him. “Brooke and I were wondering if you wanted to come to Pinkberry with us.” 

Michael tucked his phone back the pocket of his hoodie. “Sure, why not? I don’t have anything to do anyway. Plus, I’m your ride.” He clambered off the hood and walked to the driver’s door. 

Jeremy leaned back inside the car and prepared to climb over the middle console in order to go to the backseat. Once he was partway through the middle, he heard Brooke chime in. “Oh, I can sit in the back if you want.” It was nice that she offered, but Michael poked his head in the car before Jeremy could reply. 

“Nah, you’re fine. Jere crawling back there takes fewer steps, anyways.” With that, Jeremy sat down on the driver’s side, buckling his seatbelt. Michael closed the door and started his car. “I assume you know the way?” he asked Brooke.

She looked Michael in the eyes.”Yep. Now, let’s blow this joint.”

 

———

 

_3:48 pm_

_{{_ **_Squip Squad_ ** _}}_

 

 **DesdeDestiny** : How long are we going to stay over tomorrow?

 **JennaBoBenna** : 3am

 **DesdeDestiny** : Is anyone else going to answer?

 **BiBiByeFelicia** : 4am

 **JennaBoBenna** : no, but seriously, you guys can straight up spend the night if you want

 **JennaBoBenna** : we got a big ol loft over the garage we can fill with blankets and pillows

 **JennaBoBenna** : just say yes and well be set

 **bubblegumbinch** : hnstly a sleepover would be so nice

 **BiBiByeFelicia** : I second the motion

 **JennaBoBenna** : all in favor say aye

 **DesdeDestiny** : Aye!

 **pickledpeppers** : aye.

 **slushlord** : Aye

 **slushlord** : Jeremy says aye as well

 **JennaBoBenna** : only counts if he says it here

 **impresent** : aye

 **JennaBoBenna** : all opposed??

 **JennaBoBenna** : perfect

 **JennaBoBenna** : ill let my mom know well have extended stay guests

 **bubblegumbinch** : ill bug brooke to bring some movies shes got like evry disney movie ever made

 **BiBiByeFelicia** : I’m still bringing Uno

 **JennaBoBenna** : ill order some pizzas when the time comes

 **slushlord** : Can I have mine boneless

 **JennaBoBenna** : theyre fresh out of boneless pizza sry

 **slushlord** : Damn

 **crymeariver** : you better fuckin bet im bringing finding nemo

 **bubblegumbinch** : i said disnye but ok

 **JennaBoBenna** : disnye

 **crymeariver** : well ok then ill bring a disney movie

 **BiBiByeFelicia** : DISNYE

 **slushlord** : Disnye the science guy

 **BiBiByeFelicia** : DIS DIS DIS DIS DIS

 **bubblegumbinch** : this is harassment

 **pickledpeppers** : chloe: misspells disney

                           chloe: spells harassment right

 **bubblegumbinch** : JAKE U BITCH

 **crymeariver** : jeremy says to bring hercules and hunchback so guess what were watchin tmrw

 **BiBiByeFelicia** : You’re with Jeremy??? ;)

 **crymeariver** : rich no

 **slushlord** : I’m with them too

 **crymeariver** : were just out geting pinkberry

 **crymeariver** : like friends do

 **BiBiByeFelicia** : Sure ;);););)

 **crymeariver** : omg stop this

 **slushlord** : Did you guys know that Brooke likes key lime froyo

 **bubblegumbinch** : i kno right

 **crymeariver** : well excuuuuuuse me for having opinons

 **slushlord** : Nah, babe, you’re fine

 **slushlord** : At least you’re not like Jeremy who somehow doesn’t like goddamn vanilla ice cream

 **BiBiByeFelicia** : “babe” ;) ;)

 **BiBiByeFelicia** : WHAT

 **slushlord** : I know right

                 How is he alive

 **BiBiByeFelicia** : HOW CAN HE NOT LIKE VANILLA

 **BiBiByeFelicia** : ITS LITERALLY THE MOST BASIC ICE CREAM

 **slushlord** : Man, I don’t know…

 **JennaBoBenna** : ooo ooo guys imma get some ice cream for tomorrow too

                         first 3 flavors i see are what i’m gettin

 **crymeariver** : mint chip pls

 **BiBiByeFelicia** : Vanilla

 **slushlord** : Neapolitan por favor

 **JennaBoBenna** : lit

 **pickledpeppers** : damn i missed my chance to vote.

 **JennaBoBenna** : sry i don’t make the rules

 **pickledpeppers** : you literally made the rules but go off i guess.

 **BiBiByeFelicia** : Did… did Jake just meme

 **slushlord** : He did

 **BiBiByeFelicia** : I’m so proud of him

 **crymeariver** : does anyone need rides

                     bcus i can give rides

 **pickledpeppers** : i would love a ride.

 **BiBiByeFelicia** : Seconded

 **bubblegumbinch** : me to

 **slushlord** : too*

 **bubblegumbinch** : bitch

 **crymeariver** : perf

 **crymeariver** : brb gettin a ride back 2 my car

 **JennaBoBenna** : don’t crash

 **crymeariver** : thx

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might've lied about finding out what song Michael is listening to… Whatever you think it is, you're right.
> 
> btw, that chapter title is a line from "This is Home" by Cavetown  
> I'm not creative, so most of the chapter titles will be stolen from something (see : both of the chapters so far)
> 
> if any of y'all out there have any writing tips or just basic constructive criticism, feel free to comment about it :)  
> Also, just lovey-dovey comments are top notch and I'm down to feed my ego any day.


	3. It Reveals What It Is Lonely People Seek

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone's got their own side of the story

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HERE'S A 3K WORD CHAPTER FOR YA
> 
> So I mightve abandoned my "maybe you should post a chapter every friday?" deal but at least I didn't disappear off the face of the earth.
> 
> This chapter was gonna be that get together at Jenna's, but I got too caught up in the pre party prep, so that'll be next chapter.  
> It's goes through literally 4 points of view, too, so don't get too lost.
> 
> ENJOY NONETHELESS

_5:22 pm_

_{{_ **from** **_crymeariver_ ** _}}_

 

 **crymeariver** : get in loser were going to a party

 **bubblegumbinch** : b out n a sec

 

Chloe shut off her phone and turned back to her bathroom mirror to finish applying her mascara.  _ It’s not  _ really _ a party, Brooke, but okay.  _ If this were any other weekend, she’d probably not want to spend her Saturday night at Jenna Rolan’s place. Especially since that douche who dated Brooke and then wouldn’t sleep with her was gonna be there. No. Not a douche.  _ Fuck, I gotta stop being such a bitch to everyone. Brooke’s not a total bitch and she’s almost as popular as me, so it can’t be that hard, right?  _

Chloe being a bitch and stealing Jeremy from Brooke had thrown a wrench into their friendship. Brooke got over her stealing boyfriends before, so how was this time any different? This slightly disconnected and empty feeling in their conversations was bugging her, so Chloe wanted to see if being nicer would warm Brooke back up to her.  It  _ really _ doesn't help that Chloe's been feeling really lonely lately for some reason. Like she said if this were  _ any _ other weekend...

_ There’s time for thinking later _ . She popped her lips and leaned back from the mirror, admiring the outfit she put together. She was wearing a wiry, yet fuzzy lavender colored sweater and a pair of sleepwear shorts. Her hair curled and in a high ponytail, Chloe was satisfied with her look. Simple sleepover wear, but still hot. She knew Brooke would still look nice, so she couldn’t let her outdo her. She adjusted her sweater, gathered her small bag filled necessities, and headed out to meet Brooke.

 

* * *

 

_5:47 pm_

_{{_ **from** **_crymeariver_ ** _}}_

 

 **crymeariver** : get in loser were goin to a partyyy

 **BiBiByeFelicia** : BRB MOM REGINA’S HERE

 

Rich chuckled to himself, thinking of the vine he referenced as he rose from the couch where he was sitting. Before sliding his phone in his pocket, he wanted to close the conversation he was having with Michael, who he was texting to pass time.

 

 _{{_ **to** **_slushlord_ ** _}}_

 

 **BiBiByeFelicia** : Brooke finally got here, so I gotta go

 **BiBiByeFelicia** : I’ll see ya at Jenna’s

 **slushlord** : Yo, totally

 **slushlord** : See ya

 

He slowly rose, rolling his shoulders and being careful not to touch his burns. As he was picking up his drawstring back that contained a few pieces of spare clothing and Uno, his mind drifted to Michael. 

They’d only recently gotten to know each other. Mostly during the time Michael spent at the hospital, even though he mostly talked to his bedridden best friend. Rich had never really noticed Michael before since he was so antisocial and only really talked to Jeremy… But these past couple days have opened his eyes to see how fun of a person Michael is. He was hilarious in the group chat, and he was crazy smart, by the sounds of it. Probably as smart, if not smarter than Jake, and Jake was president of the Model UN. Plus, he plays the trumpet? That in itself is impressive. Then again, Rich considers himself easy to impress. But how could he not be impressed? He tried to pick up an instrument in elementary school but he could not for his life figure out how to read music. The fact that Michael figured that out, and stuck with it for…. What was it, 8 years? That’s a lot of years. Not to mention all those patches on his jacket? Rich can’t help but want to learn the meaning behind all of them. He tried to get a good look at all of them at lunch yesterday, but he couldn’t not look at Michael’s face when they were talking. 

His skin looked so smooth. His hair probably felt like a blanket straight out of the dryer. His eyes seemed to have a million stories swirling behind them. The way his whole demeanor relaxed when they started talking about something he was into made Rich feel relaxed too…

So he started texting him. Just casual conversations about their day or other topical things, like the local news or juicy gossip Rich had heard from either Brooke or Jenna. If he builds up a casual relationship with him, maybe they can become good friends. 

Ever since Rich became SQUIP-free, he’s somewhat reverted to his old personality. He always had a hyperactive mind and a personality that just wanted to get to know everyone. Surprisingly, that wasn’t gonna help him if he wanted to raise his social standing, so the SQUIP shut that down pretty quickly. He’s even, much to his annoyance, picked up his old lisp habits. 

His thoughts were interrupted by a buzzing in his pocket. He swiftly dropped his bag on the couch and dug his phone out. There was a fleeting second where he thought Michael had texted him again, only it was Brooke.

 

 **crymeariver** : omfg get your ass in the car

 **crymeariver** : were alredy gonna be late bcus of Chlo

 

Picking up his bag once more, he jogged towards the door. He didn’t bother to yell goodbyes to his empty house before he excitedly closed the door. After making it about 10 feet, he thought he should be responsible, and turned back to lock the door. Brooke’s Subaru let out a long honk, reminding Rich that they were probably already running late. He hurriedly locked the front door and sprinted towards Brooke’s car, leaping over the flower bed of currently dying tulips on his way. Chloe exclaimed from the car window, “Jesus fuck, this isn’t the goddamn Olympics.” Rich swung the car door with ferocity, putting on a show just to entertain the girls. “You’re too fucking short to do the long jump, anyways.” He bounced into the back seat, only to land on a full-sized, stuffed-to-the-brim duffle bag.

“What the fuck, Chloe, is this your bag?” Rich picked the bag up, pushing it into the front seat. If it’s her bag, she should have to deal with it. 

“Yeah. And?” she said bluntly as she pushed the bag back in his direction. He set it beside him reluctantly.

“Did you fill it with a shitload of bricks or somethin? Because it weighs a literal fuckton.” Rich buckled his seatbelt and Brooke started driving, presumably in the direction of Jake’s place. 

“It’s got everything I need for the night. Don’t fucking judge me.” Chloe turned back to face the front as the white glow of her phone was cast over her face and the ceiling. 

Rich put his hands up in an offended position. “I never said I was judging you.”

Chloe scoffed. “Whatever. Just drive, Broo,” she stated, seemingly over their previous conversation. Rich saw Brooke slowly reach over to turn up the radio a little bit to fill the silence, so he let the soft sounds of… He took a second to listen…  _ Nice. Pink Floyd. Good music choice, Brookey.  _ He let the sounds of Pink Floyd fill the empty air and the not-terribly-strong scent of artificial cherry flavoring and hair product fill his senses as he absentmindedly watching the scenery pass by.

 

* * *

 

_6:04 pm_

_{{_ **from** ** _crymeariver_** _}}_

 

 **crymeariver** : jaaaakee i hope yr ready bcus im here nd we gots to go

 **pickledpeppers** : i am.

 **pickledpeppers** : give me a sec to get my crutches prepped.

 

Jake slid his phone in his coat pocket and reached to his side, picking up his crutches lying next to him. Using a combination of the stair railing and the crutches, he successfully pulled himself up from his supine position on the staircase, sliding one support under each arm. He yelled upstairs to his aunt. “Bye, Nat! I’ll be back later!” 

He heard a distant reply from her. “Alright, honey! Be sure not to burn another house down,” she joked.

He shouldered his backpack and made his way for the door, replying with a chipper, “I’ll try!” directed back at her “witty” remark. 

He wasn’t gonna lie, he was getting a little anxious for this get-together. Which is weird, because he rarely got nervous for things. Was it the emotional weight this, for lack of a better term, party was bound to have that was getting to him? It  _ has _ been a bit since he’s been emotional with someone. That’s the only thing he could think of that would make him nervous like this… right?

He tried not think hard about it, looking forward to the fun they’ll have as he pulled open his front door and headed out to Brooke’s car.

As he approached, he saw Rich pop open the backseat door and scoot to the driver’s side, presumably making it so Jake didn’t have to walk around the car to get in. Rich has been such a helpful person when it comes to Jake’s current disability, and he will be eternally grateful for that. He should be out of his crutches and casts by the end of senior year, no thanks to his standing on his broken legs during the school play. Thank god his original break wasn’t horrendous, otherwise, he’d probably be in a wheelchair right now.

He propped the door open with his crutches and slid in, sticking his legs in a weird direction so they would lie straight. Rich tapped his casts to get Jake’s attention, and then pat his lap, looking at him expectantly. For a second, Jake thought Rich was making some kind of innuendo, before realizing Rich wanted Jake to put his legs on his lap to give him more room. 

After some awkward struggling, Jake was successfully sitting side-saddle in the seat, legs extended into Rich’s lap. Brooke pulled the car out into the street, talking over her shoulder. “You two getting comfy back there?”

Rich chuckled, almost resting his arms on Jake’s legs before thinking better of it. “You better fuckin bet we are.”

Chloe didn’t look up from her phone as she scoffed, “No fucking in Brooke’s car, you barbarians.”

“What a big word, Chloe,” Rich said, voice full of lighthearted mockery. Jake couldn’t help but giggle at Rich’s ambitious and suicidal jabs at Chloe’s intelligence.

“Fuck you!” She sounded like she was trying to be serious, but her retort wasn’t venomous.

Jake then noticed the absurdly large duffel bag lying at Rich’s feet. “Oh my god, Chlo, is that your bag? Why’d you bring so much?”

“Oh my fucking god, just drive, Brooke. Let’s get this over with.” The fact that she didn’t comment any further led Jake to believe Rich pointed out her huge bag, too. 

Jake leaned his head against the chilled window. He didn’t bother to buckle his seatbelt, trusting Brooke enough to drive them safely to Jenna’s.

 

* * *

 

_5:42 pm_

_{{_ **to** **_impresent_ ** _}}_

 

 **slushlord** : I hath arriveth

 **impresent** : o dearest

 **impresent** : dost thou hath refreshments for the sleeping over

 **slushlord** : You better fuckin bet

 **slushlord** : O babe

 **impresent** : you tried so hard

 

Michael turned down the volume in his car so it wasn’t blasting when Jeremy got in, as much as he hated turning down Amy Winehouse. As  _ Cherry _ faded into background noise, Michael felt his phone vibrate. It was a text from Rich saying that Brooke finally arrived and he had to get going. Michael thought it endearing that Rich felt he needed to close off the conversation they were having even though Michael had stopped replying when he started the short drive to Jeremy’s place. He texted him back, telling him he’d see him there as Jeremy popped open the passenger door. Hurtling his bag over the seat into the back, he slid into the seat he’s basically claimed as his own. “What drinks did you bring?” He asked as Michael started pulling out into the street.

“Cherry Dr. Pepper, Crystal Pepsi, and a collection of New York Seltzers.” He mentally double checked that he remembered to pack the cooler in the trunk. He would make an ass of himself if he showed up with no drinks after telling both Jeremy  _ and _ Rich he was bringing some. Rich probably told everyone else, too. But, he was 90% sure he loaded the cooler, so he was probably good.

“Oh cool. I haven’t had a New York Seltzer in forever,” Jeremy said in a flat tone. He was fidgeting with the buttons on his cardigan while staring out the window. The nerves were getting to him. Michael decided that staring was just gonna make Jeremy more nervous and closed off, so he returned his gaze to the empty road before him.

Michael was anxious about tonight, too, but probably for a different reason. Jeremy was most likely going to talk about things that have a lot of emotional baggage attached. Things that are deeply rooted in Jeremy’s self-image, like a tree growing in the middle of a basketball court. Something that isn't supposed to be there but can no longer be entirely removed. But acknowledging the tree, working with the fact that it’s there to stay is better than ignoring it and subsequently tripping over its roots and getting your basketball stuck in its branches.

Michael so desperately wanted to climb the chain link fence surrounding Jeremy and set fire to that tree, but he no longer had the skills to scale the fence. Ever since that stupid Halloween party, the fence has changed. Jeremy’s changed. His fence is thicker, no longer chain link, but brick. The most Michael can do is desperately sprawl messages written in paint on the outside, knowing Jeremy will never be able to see them, but hoping he will notice them anyway. 

The silence between the two boys was very much present but still invisible. It was the ghost of their past lives, the ghost of what they used to be like. They used to be able to talk for hours, always being able to fill the air with some passing story or opinion. Something unquantifiable had changed between them, and Michael didn’t know how, or even if he could fix it.

It made sense for why Jeremy was nervous. Michael was just anxious because he wasn’t close to the people he was headed to hang out with. He couldn’t nail down the exact reason why he was nervous, but he couldn’t shake it.  _ Stupid social anxiety… _

He flicked on the blinker and was preparing to turn when Jeremy suddenly interrupted the silence. “Is this Amy Winehouse?”

Michael took a second to listen even though he already knew the answer. “Why, yes it is.”  _ Valerie  _ was currently playing, the volume still low. 

Jeremy started reaching for the volume knob. “Man, I know you love the Winehouse.” He turned the volume up to comfortable volume and leaned back into his seat. It was at the end of one of the choruses, given the trumpet motif and lyrics.

 

_ Valerie _

 

Michael couldn’t help but slightly sway to the beat. This was one of his favorites of hers. There was just something about the tempo and instrumental that just got to him every time.

 

_ Valerie _

 

He started to hum the brass motif looping beneath Amy’s soulful singing.

 

_ Did you have to go to jail, _

_ Put your house on up for sale, _

_ Didja get a good lawyer? _

 

His cool and collected composure was soon violated by just how much he enjoyed the song. His sways became a little broader, and he started mouthing the words as he sung almost inaudibly. He wanted to sing aloud but didn’t want to go from 0 to 100  _ that _ quickly.

 

_ I hope you didn’t catch a tan, _

_ I hope you found the right man who’ll fix it for ya _

 

They wouldn’t be able to finish the song before they reached their destination since Jenna’s house was only a few blocks away, but lightening the mood a little bit might help ease both of their anxious minds.

 

_ Are you shopping anywhere, _

_ Change the color of your hair,  _

_ Are you busy? _

 

Michael noticed that his singing was being doubled, and he braved a subtle glance to his right. Jeremy was still looking out the window, his arm propped up on the door and his head resting on his elbow. He looked peaceful like he could fall asleep. Especially since he was fidgeting less feverishly. Michael couldn’t help but smile. Half out of amusement of Jeremy trying to hide his singing along, and half out of relief that this was calming Jeremy down, at least for the moment. Michael knew that Jeremy likes this song almost as much as he did.

 

_ Didja have to pay that fine, _

_ That you were dodging all the time, _

_ Are you still dizzy? _

 

No matter how badly their relationship was damaged due to past events, they still felt connected. For a bit, it felt like their friendship of 12 years had collided with an iceberg, dooming thousands of people, including Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet. But both of them knew, deep down, that they couldn’t live without each other.

 

_ ‘Cause since I’ve come on home, _

_ Well, my body’s been a mess, _

 

They were two socially awkward teens who weren’t awkward with each other. They just worked together, like cogs in clockwork. 

 

_ And I miss your ginger hair, _

_ And the way you like to dress, _

 

They genuinely enjoyed each other’s company, even though they weren’t quite as close as before.

 

_ Oh, won’t you come on over? _

_ Stop making a fool outta me _

 

_ Why dontcha come on over, _

_ Valerie _

 

Michael saw Jenna’s driveway had a spot open in it and started to pull into it. His heart still full of nostalgia, he put his car into park and hesitantly cut the beautiful Amy Winehouse off as he pulled out his keys.

“Come on, let’s go and try to party.” Michael reached into the backseat and grabbed Jeremy’s bag. Jeremy took it from Michael with a soft “thank you,” and opened his door, stepping out without saying anything more.

As he got out of his car, Michael prayed to whatever deity was listening that Jeremy would come out of this get together as a changed person. Preferably, changed for the better. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title : from the song Closer by The Tiny
> 
>  
> 
> Me, slowly sprinkling pinkberry and expensive headphones content everywhere : What are you talking about of course it's not a romantically driven fic what are you crazy??
> 
> Chloe's shirt : https://ae01.alicdn.com/kf/HTB1gEHGkvBNTKJjSszbq6yFrFXai/Donna-Solid-Knit-Del-Cotone-Delle-Ragazze-Caldo-Manica-Lunga-Maglione-Morbido-Maglione-Pullover-Outwear-Tops.jpg_640x640.jpg  
> That ^^^ but lavender colored
> 
> Rich was referencing this vine, btw : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vTvtLuOcClA
> 
> Fuck you, I can make Michael listen to Amy Winehouse all I want
> 
> Also, Brooke's totally got a silver, early 2000's Subaru Impreza. Specifically, a 2007 one. Spoiler and everything. I have no fuckin clue how I got that in my head but man, I can't get rid of it. Sue me.
> 
> This is a very scatterbrained note section but I have no good way to connect all of these thoughts.
> 
> Btw, I hope there aren't any typos in the chapter...


	4. Work in Their Smiles, Not Their Frowns

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pizza, Uno, gayness, and anxiety... is there a better way to spend a Saturday night?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM BACK FROM THE DEAD, BITCHEEESSSSS  
> okay listen I know I said I wouldn't drop off the face of the earth, but I kindaaa did that,,, buT IM BACK  
> it's only been... five months....... sry... :/  
> I'll try to be more regular about updates from now on
> 
> PLS ENJOY MY MEDIOCRE WRITING :D
> 
>  
> 
> also, in general, I apologize for stuff that seems out of character for anyone. I kinda changed some things about them around, but I tried not to do that too much... either way, bear with me here. This chapter brought to light how my version of Jeremy is v different from "Voices In My Head" Jeremy, but pfft screw canon stuff I can do what I want.

_Ding dong._

“I think that’s the rest of them. Lemme let ‘em in,” Jenna said as she pushed herself off of the ground, dropping her hand of cards down in her place.

“Don’t get lost,” Michael added sarcastically as she made her way to the front door. Jenna rolled her eyes as she swung the front door open, revealing the smiling face of Rich.

“Alright! Let’s get this party started!” He cried enthusiastically as he basically leaped through the doorway. A less bouncy but still excited looking Jake followed him as fast as his little crutches could take him.

“Thanks for having us over, Jenna,” Brooke said sweetly as she followed Chloe, who was locked into her phone like always, through the door.

Jenna closed the door behind them. “No problem! I love having guests over. Christine, Michael, and Jeremy are already in the loft upstairs.” Chloe already knew the way, so Jenna felt no need to provide directions.

While the other three kept walking, Brooke turned back. “Cool,” she replied simply. “Did you already order pizza?”

 _Shit._ Jenna had completely forgotten she said she’d get pizza. _Play it off…_  “Not yet. I was waiting for everyone to get here.”

“That works!” _Saved. “_ Want me to get everyone’s orders?” She motioned begins her, towards the loft.

“That’d be great! I could probably guess, but I wanna be sure before assuming. Do you mind?” Sending Brooke would give Jenna a last little bit of alone time, so… _sweet._

“Not at all.” Brooke gave her one of her award-winning smiles. “I’ll be right back,” she promised as she continued up the stairs after the trio.

“Thanks, boo.” Jenna turned to her phone and loaded up the local pizza place’s website. Based on her information, she can guess that she’ll need six total pizzas, three different kinds and two of each. Jeremy would want cheese, Rich would want meat lovers, Christine and Chloe wouldn’t care, and Brooke and Jake would want the classic combo, sans mushrooms. Michael was a wild card, but she’d put money on also meat lover. She loaded up the order but waited until Brooke came back before paying.

Her social media stream was dry right now with the same old story of _“Jessica fucked the exchange student!_ ” popping up everywhere. She turned to one of the mindless games, letting it slowly hypnotize her to pass the time, allowing her mind to wander.

She thought about poor Jeremy and how fucking nervous he must feel. Jenna already knew he had pretty bad anxiety, as it was pretty easy to tell based on his mannerisms, so the fact that this is supposed to be a quote-unquote “bonding session” to talk about the shit that probably made his anxiety worse must be goddamn nerve-wracking. But in the end, he probably needed to get some things off his chest. It was even making Jenna feel a little nervous, just thinking about putting herself in his shoes. She immediately wanted to think about something else, so next on the list was the last person she saw, Brooke. Brooke definitely said something to Jeremy that other day. Jenna saw her quietly say something to him at the lunch table, and then they were at Pinkberry together along with Michael. She probably tried to clear some air with him that she couldn’t wait until today, or was a little too personal to talk about as a group. If she had to wager a guess…. Jenna would say it was about their past relationship. It ended pretty badly with Jeremy fucking Brooke. But something about that seems off, now that Jenna knows Jeremy better. Cheating on Brooke is something he wouldn’t’ve had the balls to do.

“Alright, we need a cheese, meat lovers, and a supreme,” Brooke shouted from the top of the stairs as Jenna was pulled back to reality. _Knew it._ “Maybe get two of each.”

“Got it!” Jenna replied, hitting the “order” button on her phone.

 

_6:10 pm_

_{{_ **_Squip Squad_ ** _}}_

 

 **JennaBoBenna** : pizza has been ordered

 **BiBiByeFelicia** : THANK THE LORD

 

Bidding adieu to her last bit of alone time for at least the next 12 hours (not that she cared _that_ much about alone time), Jenna shut her phone off and headed up towards the loft, meeting Brooke halfway.

They walked into the loft, interrupting the silence and bringing everyone’s attention to them. “Alright, let’s get this party started!” Rich yelled triumphantly as he pulled out his deck of Uno.  “How about a round of Uno to kick things off?” He looked around the group with a bright smile adorning his face.

Michael chuckled and rolled up his sleeves. “Imma beat yo ass, Richy boy.”

Jenna swore she saw Jeremy’s depressing, anxious demeanor crack for a second and a smile peek through as Rich dealt out all their hands.

 

* * *

 

At the beginning of the night, Jake felt like the atmosphere was saturated with a general feeling of unease and trepidation. But now…

“REVERSE, BITCH!” Chloe shouted as she threw a red Reverse card onto the deck in the middle.

“FUCK!” Rich exclaimed. “I withdraw my Uno declaration.” He reluctantly drew a total of five cards, each with more frustration than the last.

Jake’s hand was 80% red cards, so his next play was easy to decide.

Michael had a wicked smile on his face. ”Told ya I was gonna beat yo ass,” he gloated as he played a yellow 8 card on the pile, changing the color once again. “Uno!”

“FUCK YOU!” Rich shouted in the smug teen’s direction. Michael laughed pompously.

Jeremy’s quiet voice piped up. “Um, I also have Uno…” He gently placed a card on the stack.

“FUCK YOU TOO, HEERE!” Rich pointed towards Jeremy, who held up his hands defensively.

“Yeah, let’s go, bro!” Michael high-fived one of Jeremy’s hands. A smile snuck onto Jeremy’s face.

Jenna was next, but she was scowling at her cards. “You just had to keep it yellow, didn’t you…” She drew a few cards before playing, this time making the color green.

“Green is synonymous with jealousy, but I doubt I’ll be jealous of your next turn, Brooke,” Christine eloquently said as she put a Draw Four card down. Rich, Michael, and Jenna collectively lost their minds, bellowing and making repetitive airhorn noises. She and Jenna fist-bumped as Brooke begrudgingly drew four cards.

“Damn it, Chrissy, that was too good of a one-liner for me to be mad at you,” Brooke grumbled as she perused her new cards.

Chloe placed a Wild card on the deck. “I’ll make the color red.”

“GODDAMNIT, WOMAN! YOU KNEW I DIDN’T HAVE ANY RED CARDS!”

Chloe stuck her tongue out at Rich. “That’s what you get for skipping me three turns in a row.”

“I DIDN’T HAVE ANY OTHER CARDS!”

“Well, now ya do. Draw, bitch.” Chloe stared daggers at Rich, who immediately returned the glare.

Just then, Jenna’s doorbell rung. “That must be the pizza man. Who wants to sacrifice their comfiness for the greater good of eating?”

Rich’s attention shifted from Chloe to Jenna. “Okay, someone find a die. We’ll roll it, and starting on my left with one, your number comes up, you go,” Rich suggested.

“Just so you know, Rich, you are now creating six different timelines,” Michael suggested.

Something in Rich’s eyes lit up at Michael’s response. “Of course I am, Michael,” he quipped.

There was a beat of silence before Rich burst with excitement. “YOU’VE SEEN COMMUNITY!?”

“YEAH! SIX SEASONS AND A MOVIE, BABY!” Michael reciprocated the excitement. “I’ve never met anyone who’s also seen Community beyond Jeremy.” He dialed his excitement down a little bit, bringing Rich a notch or two down as well.

“Dude, I love that show. I think Dan Harmon is a _genius_ .” Jake had _no idea_ what these two were talking about, but seeing Rich so authentically happy was refreshing.

Chloe piped into their conversation. “Hey, bozos. Talk your nerd shit later. Someone still needs to actually get the pizzas.” The two boys exchanged smiles and a wink.

“I can get them!” Christine chimed in, already standing up.

“Hon, you’re too kind. Take my credit card so you can pay them,” Jenna offered, handing Christine a blue card from where she was sitting.

“Can do.” Christine bounced out of the door, seemingly happy to run errands for the group.

“What an angel.”

“Honestly.”

“It’s a pity neither of you lame-asses could pin her down.” Chloe reached behind Rich and lightly punched Jake in the arm. She must’ve been referring to him and Jeremy both trying and failing to get her to date them.

Jake chuckled dryly. “Yeah…”

The playful and light-hearted mood that came was Uno became heavier as soon as the past was wrenched back out of the gutter.

Surprisingly, it was Jeremy who spoke up first. “Do you guys know why it- why it didn’t work out between us? Christine and me?”

It was silent for a couple seconds. Jake didn’t know the reason why. All he knew is that they went on a date, started dating for about a week, broke up, and then never talked about it since. They didn’t seem uncomfortable around each other, so it must’ve been a civil break-up.

“I mean, I know you told me, but I didn’t tell anyone else,” Michael responded softly like he was trying not to wake a bear.

“It’s pr-probably not my place to say… I-I-I shouldn’t’ve brought it up in the first place, I’m sorry.” Jeremy slowly drew his legs into his chest and let his forehead rest on his knees. Something sparked in Jake’s and all he wanted to do was hug this poor kid. He seemed so timid and diffident, and even the Jeremy that Jake knew before shit went down wasn’t this fragile. Something had changed for him, and it broke Jake’s heart.

Michael gently placed a hand on Jeremy’s shoulder, causing him to flinch ever so slightly. “Hey,” he started, “don’t worry about it. We can ask Christine about it if you want us to. Is the reason why you broke up something you want us to know?”

Jeremy hesitated. The silence in the room was off putting. Jake felt like he was intruding on a personal conversation.

“I just don’t want you guys to accuse, er… villainize Christine. She didn’t do anything wrong.”  
“We never thought either of you wronged the other, Jerry,” Brooke consoled.

Just then, Christine returned to the loft. “I brought pizza!” she exclaimed.

“Sweet,” Rich responded. His lackluster response mixed with the absence of people losing their minds over Uno caused Christine’s smile to drop. She knew the room wasn’t the same as when she left.

Rich stood up to help her distribute the food. “Is everything alright?” she questioned.

“Yeah, sorry…” Jeremy apologized as he lifted his head from its cave. “I… I made the mistake of mentioning our break-up.”

Christine tensed, her eyes widened as she pulled the remaining boxes close.

“D-don’t worry! I didn’t tell them why. Which might be... worse… I’m so sorry.” Jeremy pulled his knees even closer to his chest. Christine immediately set the pizza boxes down and rushed to his side, holding his face gently between her hands.

“No, no! Jeremy, it’s okay, really. Thank you for not telling them.” She smiled softly, and Jake couldn’t help but reciprocate. She really was just a ball of sunshine, and Jake loved that about her. Jeremy released his legs from his iron grip and put his hands on the floor. He was trying to hide it, but the lights from the hallway reflected off the beginnings of tears in his eyes.

It hurt seeing Jeremy so frail and helpless-looking. Whatever the SQUIP did to him really busted down his self-confidence, and it sucked. He might’ve been awkward and nerdy before, but he was never this shy before.

Christine sighed. “I guess I might as well tell you the reason we broke up.”

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to, Chris,” Michael assured. No one had the wherewithal to speak besides those two.

“Nah,” Christine said, “I might as well.” Jenna scooted over to where Christine used to sit to make room for her to sit down.

“After a few dates with Jeremy, I realized that we didn’t feel the same way about each other,” she started. “He would always compliment my looks and buy me gifts, and I didn’t see the point in any of that. All the romantic gestures he did didn’t feel… special, to me. It felt unnecessary and meaningless. I almost loathed it. I started to realize what I wanted our relationship to be wasn’t the stereotypical romance. I just wanted a friendship. That’s the same for how I felt about Jake.” She turned to look at him, and he couldn’t help but feel that old flame of a crush reignite for a second. “I just _really_ wanted a friendship with you guys.” She paused and sighed. “When I imagine my ideal future, it doesn’t have a husband by my side. Or even a wife. There’s nobody there. And it’s not because I don’t have a crush on anyone, it’s because that’s what makes me comfortable. I don’t need love in my life, and I don’t think I’ll ever experience love. I never understand the feelings people describe in rom-coms or sappy love songs… And that doesn’t make me sad! The kind of love I want is the love I feel for you guys!” She looked around the room, making sure to make eye contact with each person. “So I did some research and figured out that I identify as aromantic, which means I don’t feel romantic attraction for anyone.” Christine paused, seemingly done with her speech, but no one spoke up. “Does that make any sense to you guys?” she continued.

“Christine, baby, I totally get that! I’m asexual!” Jenna replied enthusiastically. “But I _do_ still feel romantic attraction… But I TOTALLY GET THAT! I feel like that but when it comes to sex.” Jenna winked.

“Oh, thank goodness,” Christine sighed, releasing the breath she was holding. “That makes me feel a lot better.” She smiled warmly.

Jake thought it finally time for him to speak up. “I can’t empathize, but I can get where you’re coming from.” He felt the candle of his crush for her officially go out with ease. Now that she was definitely, very much off the table, it was painless to throw his feelings in the metaphorical garbage. Everyone around the group said various agreements.

“I’m grateful you didn’t out me, Jeremy. That means a lot.” Christine put a hand on his shoulder, and then leant in and kissed him on the cheek. Jeremy’s face turned bright red as his eyes went wide. It was quite an adorable interaction overall.

“Are we just gonna make this a coming-out circle?” Brooke questioned.  
“Why, you wanna come out?” Jenna said, almost jokingly.

“Sure, why not. I’m bi,” Brooke responded, very plainly.

Jake was surprised. He didn’t expect Brooke to be bi… She’s never been with a girl before to his knowledge…

Before he could remark, Chloe and Rich exploded at the same time. “WHAT!? YOU’RE BI??”

“Yeah,” Brooke giggled, amused by her best friend’s (and Rich’s) shock. “I haven’t really told anyone before, but I’m not ashamed of it.”

“My bi sister from another mister! Can we be Bi Best Friends Forever? BBFF?” Rich was _so_ excited. He was like a child getting a puppy for Christmas.

Jake suddenly felt a surge of boldness. Now he wanted to come out, too. Well, why the fuck not? This is the perfect place and environment to do it. “Fuck it, I’m pan.”

Rich turned his head silently towards Jake. “WHAAAAAAT!?” The comedic timing of it all was too good, and Jake couldn’t help but chuckle.

“Yeah, dude. I thought you knew?”

“NO, I DEFINITELY DID THE FUCK NOT!”

“Shit, did I never tell you?” Jake tried to wrack his brain for a memory of him coming out to Rich with no avail.

“NO, YOU DID THE FUCK NOT.”

He swore under his breath, realizing that statement was true. “Well… now you know.”

“Well, damn,” Michael said breathlessly. “I might as well come out too. I’m gay.”

Rich’s head slowly, silently turned towards Michael this time, which made Michael literally chortle.

To Jake’s surprise, Jeremy was the next to speak. “What!? No way…” He voice was _heavily_ laced with sarcasm.

“Shut up, you.” Michael elbowed Jeremy in the arm, almost causing him to tumble over. “You knew already.”

Rich was still a little dumbfounded at all the recent revelations. “I thought I was surrounded by heteroes this whole time…”

“Newsflash, asshole, I’ve been gay the entire goddamn time!” Jenna shouted much to the delight of Rich and Michael, who simultaneously responded with, “Eyyyyy!”

Brooke rolled her eyes. “Ugh, you guys and your memes…”

“Hey, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia is a quality show and you know it,” Rich snapped back.

“Alright, alright, settle down, children.” Jenna twisted around and grabbed the boxes of pizza Christine set down earlier. “Let’s eat while we talk. I’m starving.”

“You’re always starving.”

“And I always am, Chloe.”

Jake immediately went for the combo pizza, putting two slices on his paper plate.

“Anything anyone else wants to get off their chest while the mood is good?”

“I think Jeremy does,” Michael suggested. Jake looked in their direction. Jeremy refused to make eye contact, but he had his hand raised, like a child in grade school.

“Shit, we doing this now?” Rich questioned as he set his plate of three ( _three?!_ ) slices of meat lovers pizza on the ground. “Only say what you want to, J-boy.” Well, _that’s_ a nickname Jake hasn’t heard before, nonetheless for Jeremy.

“Do you want us to maybe prompt you with questions? So you don’t have to pick your starting point?” Christine’s suggestion was pretty smart. That’ll ease some of the stress off of him.

“Th-that works for me,” Jeremy replied. He was barely audible.

“Alrighty. Everyone comfy?” Jenna asked the group. Various affirmations were sent her way. “Good, let’s get this healing party started.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Title is from Misery Fell by Tally Hall
> 
> Gah, I love writing about coming out?? Like, I relate so hard  
> I'm ace, so Christine's scene is v refreshing for me.
> 
> Also, I made a few references here that I hope everyone gets but they probably won't?? Just look it up if ya don't get it 
> 
> I feel for my Jere-bear so much,, my bb,,,,
> 
> I hope I see everyone soon? Like, I hope I don't disappear again? I'll try my darndest... :)  
> Those three comments on this fic are what brought me back in the first place, so if I disappear, that's a way to get my attention


End file.
